WHY am I going to ride a bicycle 150 miles??

Tue, Jan 11, 2011:

Why on earth am I doing this?

I know, it sounds crazy! I'm 39 and have spent the better part of the last 13 years doing whatever the kids want to do, leaving very little time for personal fitness or a hobby of any kind. So why on earth AM I doing this?

I've wanted to ride the MS 150 ever since I first heard about it. I thought, "If anyone should do this, *I* should." I've admired and supported lots of friends who have participated in the past. I was happy to be part of their support team, but I've always wanted to ride this ride myself. But WHY do I want to do this?

It's really about my mom. She was diagnosed when she was younger than I am now. She was always fit and active before that. I know that if she didn't have MS, she would probably have done the MS 150 herself. I want to honor the mental strength my mom has shown, especially in the last 20 years, as MS has slowly chipped away at her abilities and her independence.

When I was in college, my mom tried so hard to keep working. I had scholarships to pay for my tuition and dorms, but we still had to pay for books, supplies, and living expenses. There came a time when her supervisors at work began to doubt her abilities, then changed her job duties several times in short succession, and then dismissed her from her job as a medical assistant. It was such an insult! She was so capable and had always done an excellent job. But she came to see that it might be best for her health, so she began the process of filing for Social Security Disability. If you've never gone through the process, it's lengthy and only the persistent are successful. I think it took over a year before the first SSI check came.

When my husband and I got married in 1993, my mom could still walk (not very well, but she did her best.) We would joke, "She doesn't drink, she just walks that way." It was a weak effort to try to give a little levity to the truth. When our first child was born in 1998, my mom could get around in her house with a walker. I remember a couple of times when she fell at my house - it always scared me to death because there was no way I could pick her up and I was afraid she would be hurt.

By the time our second child was born in 1999, mom was using a manual wheelchair most of the time. She would have loved to be the grandma that could come get the kids and take them all kinds of places, but that just wasn't possible. By 2000, she was convinced that she should not be driving anymore. More independence lost.

Our third child was born in 2001 and mom was still struggling around their house. My dad had the entire house tiled to make it easier for her to get the wheelchair around. But their house was not wheelchair accessible. In 2002, we moved to the west side of Houston, leaving my parents in the Clear Lake area south of Houston. That was very hard for my mom because she didn't get to see the kids as much. We tried to make our new house more wheelchair friendly, with a ramp to the front porch. But the only bathroom downstairs is still rather inadequate.

Our fourth (and last!) child was born in 2003. That year we decided to take my parents to Disney World. This crazy notion prompted my dad to finally get my mom a power wheelchair. That made a big difference for her in the house, but she couldn't take it anywhere! So they had to buy a van that had room for a lift. It was a cheap lift, but the best they could afford at the time. It did a great job of physically lifting the chair off the ground, but you still had to manually maneuver it into and out of the van. If it was parked on a grade of any kind, the chair either slammed into the back bumper as soon as it was off the ground, or swung back to meet you and then had to be wrangled into the van. We did find Disney to be rather wheelchair friendly, but when you introduce a wheelchair, everything takes a lot more time. Unless she had it on top speed on flat ground, and then you'd better jog to keep up!

In 2005, after much pestering, we got my parents to move to the west side of town, less than 2 miles from our house. My dad and I went on several house-hunting trips to find the most accessible plan, and then I contracted to have any additional changes made. This included ramps to the garage and back porch, changing some doors, and adding a flip-down seat and grab bars to their shower. This has worked fairly well so far, but no house is perfect.

In the last year, my parents were able to replace their old van with a newer model. They got a better lift and a seat that swivels and comes down out of the van. Mom is able to make a sideways transfer from her chair into the seat, then it scoops her up and into the van. If the door opening was just a bit wider, her long legs would fit into the van more easily! But this is a HUGE improvement over the previous van! A month ago, her first chair finally died. It had a very long life and my dad made plenty of repairs to it, but it was time. The new chair is fantastic and is just a bit narrower, giving my mom access to the front bedroom in their home for the first time. Can you imagine living in a house for 5 years, never able to enter 2 or 3 of the rooms?

I really wanted everyone to understand the depth of my motivation to ride the MS 150. 150 miles over 2 days doesn't even hold a candle to my mom's daily struggle to do basic things that the rest of us take for granted. Even after 150 miles on a bike, I will be able to walk better than she can (perhaps not MUCH better, but at least under my own power!) Just thinking about seeing her at the finish line brings tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat. I'll have to think of other things at that point so I don't cause a pile up at the finish.

I hope this opens some eyes to what life is like with MS. You haven't even heard my mom's side of the story. But MS doesn't affect just 1 person. Or 400,000 people in the US. It affects the parents, spouses, siblings, children and grandchildren of the people it affects. Living with MS is not a fun ride, so the MS 150 is the very least I can do to raise awareness and research money, in hopes of finding a cure, or at least some better treatments for people in the later stages of MS. Many hands make light work. Many dollars make thousands to fund vital research. There is no gift too small to gain my gratitude! I hope you'll help, and get your friends to help. Remember, you can donate as often as you like!

http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR/Bike/TXHBikeEvents?px=6533020&pg=personal&fr_id=15941

Why I AVOID Houston Public Transportation

July 20, 2007:

I took a couple of days off work this week - we have no sitter this week and I needed a couple of days off anyway. We had free museum passes from the doctor's office because the kids got their wellness exams a few weeks ago. My neighbor (a senior citizen) had taken #3 to the museum earlier this summer with her granddaughter and they took the Park & Ride from our suburb and then rode the train in town. She talked about how cheap, easy and fun it was, so I thought I'd give it a try.

I got on Houston Metro's website and printed out two sets of route plans coming and going, just so we had options if one didn't work out. Printed directions, map of downtown to make sure I went the right way once on the ground (why I can drive without ever getting lost but can't walk to save my life is a mystery!!) Had a route map for the train, I thought I had it all!

Of course, it's Monday. So our day started EARLY - we dropped #4 off at his preschool at 6:30 a.m., then I had to stop by my office to leave something for the office manager to finish in my absence and we were back on the road by 7:05 and headed to the Park & Ride. We arrived around 7:15, went in the wrong way, got stuck behind a bus who wouldn't MOVE and then had to back all the way out of an oval driveway and turn around (at which point the bus in the front of the line honked at me!) and then drive out and back in the right gate. Then I had to find a parking place. There were two buses, but the first one wasn't going to the exact same place as the second (like Downtown and DT/Houston Center are so different???). We got ON the right bus but then found there was no way to buy a day pass which is what we really needed. I had to stuff my last $5 into the machine on the bus and it thankfully spit out 4 transfer vouchers so we could get on the train. The bus ride went okay, but maybe the first bus would have been better (it was full anyway, so it didn't matter.) A nice man on the bus gave us a route schedule, which was very helpful on the way in. We stopped at the Addicks Park & Ride, the Northwest Transit Center and then into downtown where I think we stopped at EVERY corner.

We FINALLY got to our stop downtown and got off the bus to catch the train. We couldn't tell from where we stood which way to go for the SOUTH-bound train. Naturally, we picked the wrong one. We got back across 2 streets in downtown traffic to the right stop...just as the train pulled away. We waited for the next train while an OVERLY-friendly man chatted with us. He continued to be "helpful" until we got off the train, one stop past where we intended. So we hiked halfway through Hermann Park back to the Museum of Natural Sciences. By then I really had to PEE! The employees at the Museum were nice enough to let us in since they were about to open anyway. It was the highlight of my day!!! Thankfully the Museum takes credit cards since the bus got the last of my cash. They also had an ATM - highway robbery on the fees, but I didn't care!! We had a wonderful day at the museum and even ran into a lady who frequently babysits for us. We hadn't seen her in a while, so we had a nice time catching up.

When it was time to leave the museum, I checked the time and the two sets of plans to get home. It wasn't TOO far or TOO hot, so instead of paying for the train (because there's no way to get a transfer for the bus if you get on the train FIRST...) we decided to walk to the bus stop. It was a little hike from the Museum down to Hermann Hospital - basically the width of Hermann park down Fannin. We made it in plenty of time and even called the Metro number on the sign for our bus home to check the time. The automated voice of "Silicone Sally" said the bus would arrive in about 40 minutes. We went inside the Hermann clinic building, used the restroom, got a drink & a little snack, and then waited outside. There were TWO signs for our bus, caddy-corner from each other across the intersection. The sign on the OTHER corner said "Inbound" - well, we were going OUTbound from the city center, so we waited at the other corner. And we saw our bus come and leave from the INBOUND side. THAT was a bummer! I called the Metro number back - it turns out the OTHER stop was the right stop, but the next bus wasn't coming for another 30 minutes. So we used the restroom again, then crossed to the other bus stop and WAITED...

Our bus finally arrived, and it was FUUULLLLL. We got the last 3 seats (for the 4 of us) so I crammed the 3 kids into two seats and I took the other. On the way, we stopped at the bus stop across the street from the museum. THAT would have been nice to know an hour earlier! We arrived at the Northwest Transit Center about the time my tiny bladder decided it was full again. No time to get off, of course - onward to the Addicks Park & Ride - faster, please! And then to our Park & Ride with me doing the "pee-pee dance" in my seat and trying to think about the desert. I got to the front (really regretting being the LAST people on the bus, sitting way in the back!) and ask the driver if there was any restroom at this stop. He pointed to the guard shack and said, "There's one in there." So we got off and RAN to the shack - it was LOCKED and EMPTY and I'm pretty sure there was no restroom in there anyway. GRRRRRRR. By now I was doing the knee-clench waddle as we sprinted (yeah, right, with my knees clenched together!) for the car. About halfway there, I KNEW I was not going to make it. I yelled to the kids, "I'm not gonna make it, kids! SHIELDS!" Thank GOD they knew what to do as I ducked between two parked cars and dropped my britches just in time, my little human shields hiding my shame. SWEET RELIEF, even without the privacy of a door, walls, or TOILET PAPER. 

Okay, now I was feeling like a vagrant and perhaps beginning to smell like one, too. I hiked my shorts back up and march on to the car, pretending like nothing was wrong. Thankfully we got a plastic bag with our purchases at the museum - one should always keep one in the car for emergencies (like sick kids or not being if full control of your own bodily functions!) The rest of the day was kind of blah-blah-blah after that.

Hopefully you haven't laughed so hard you lost control of YOUR bodily functions! I just had to share one of the most humiliating moment in my life. I hope some of you will understand (and have maybe even had enough babies to be able to FULLY relate to my story!)

Are we done yet?

I originally wrote this in response to a friend's question back in January, 2004. I thought it would be easier to start a blog with some of my previous writings that my friends liked. Her question to me (the mother of 4) was, "How do I know if we're done having kids?" And this was my (lengthy!) response:

1. Babies: Babies are SOOOOOOOOOOOO sweet and adorable (well most of them - some have colic!) so don't think in terms of having another BABY, but in terms of having another child in the 2-3 age range. Do you want to do THAT again? If you really do, then that's one for the "yes" column.

2. Getting Older: Yes, as we get older pregnancy seems harder to endure, not to mention the risks of having "old" eggs. Believe me, I was quite offended to hear my eggs were old when I offered to donate them to those in need. If I had it to do over, I'd have had my babies MUCH younger. I don't regret the time to grow up and figure out how to be a wife, but I think we would have wasted far less time and money on other things if we'd have had our priorities "babified" back then. Amazing how they change your perspective! I'm only a year older than you are, and I haven't even had time to figure out how old I'll be at various stages - I can barely figure out what years they all will go to kindergarten! I would say that you can handle whatever you CHOOSE to handle. Is having a 5-year-old when you are 40 something you would choose for your family? If not, then put a check in the "no" column.

3. House Size: My grandmother raised 4 kids in an +/- 850 sq.ft. house with one bathroom. She and my grandfather slept on a sleeper sofa in the living room so the kids could share the two bedrooms. She still lives in that house. We have a 4 bedroom house that's 2600 sq.ft. and sometimes I feel so cramped! Our kids share 2 bedrooms and the other is for computers, homework, storage, etc. It's a disaster most of the time, but I'm working on it. When I feel crowded, I think of my grandmother. My girls STILL have trouble getting to sleep at night and naptime. I often have to sit with them and threaten them with bodily harm to keep them quiet long enough to fall asleep. And when one gets sick, they usually both get sick. And the closet already seems crowded - what will we do when they are teens???? I do think a 4-year spread between the first batch of kids and the second is wise - two little ones is quite enough to handle at one time. Three or four at the same time gets to be a big challenge. It really helps when at least half of the kids can use the potty independently, and it would be nice if at least one could get his own breakfast, but I think I'm preventing bigger trouble by getting all the food for everyone still. Do you think it would be a good experience for your girls to share a room?

4. Supersized:

4a. Private school: Not sure what to say here, except that it's VERY expensive and was one of the reasons we chose our school district. Even with 2, you may find it to be more than your finances can bear. We had 3 in Mother's Day Out for 2 months before we completely dropped out. It was hard to see that much money going for a few hours of relative freedom. You may want to just supplement what they are learning at home and save your money for things like college and car insurance. Seriously - we've already figured out that our kids will all have to attend the same college and we will have to buy a house for them because it will be cheaper than dorms for 4 kids. And the school tax bill is nearly the cost of private school for one child as it is, so my husband says we're going to get our money's worth out of them!

4b. Restaurants: A table for 5 is not that much of a wait - restaurants have various sizes of tables and we've never noticed a longer wait when we had the kids with us. Hotels are a whole 'nother story. We paid a huge amount of money at Disney to stay at a resort that had rooms that would accommodate our small herd. Elsewhere we would have required two rooms, and no guarantees that we could have gotten adjoining rooms or a suite.

4c. Vehicles: I drive a Suburban because nothing smaller will work. You can't get 3 full-sized carseats across anything smaller. Luckily, the Graco TurboBooster has a pretty small profile. With some shoving, I can get two booster seats and a car seat across the 3rd row, but it's tight. Usually we ride 2+2+2. We can only take 1 friend right now because I have to leave the 8th seat folded to give access to the 3rd row. Any more kids and we'd be looking at a 12-passenger van. If having everything in your life "supersized" sounds like fun, then that's another one for the "yes" column.

5. Shopping: You just learn to do it. It's the same as when you learned to go from 1 to 2 kids. Adding a third DOES dictate which grocery stores you use, though. I've found that the double-seat carts that are attached to a regular cart are practically a must. That way I can put the older girls in the two seats and the baby across the basket seat in the carrier. My usual store got rid of those and got the race car carts. These make my life more difficult and I've been shopping at night and on weekends more. Good big strollers are very heavy and hard to come by. And you need a Suburban just to take one with you, anyway. Mine is no longer made because most people found it too heavy and hard to steer. They ain't lying, but it's the only way for us to go to the mall. On the bright side, I can plod along and get more of a workout than those girls with one baby and a jogging stroller!

6. Dividing yourself: My kids seem to get more independent as we go. The youngest barely cries because he knows that if he just fusses periodically, I'll get to him eventually. If it's dire, he'll scream and get immediate attention (as immediate as I can muster.) There are times I feel terrible for him because I don't have all the time I'd like to enjoy his babyhood. Other times I feel bad for #3 because I've tried to rush her through toddlerhood and on to a more independent phase. #2 and #1 have to pick up the slack when the little ones need more attention or something needs to be done more quickly than the smaller ones can do it. I don't play with my children - it's all I can do to keep the mouths full and the diapers empty and the house from looking like a bomb went off. I envy the folks who have tea parties and play games on a regular basis. If this doesn't sound like the life for you, check the "no" column.

7. Staying home: Unless you have an MD or JD or some other REALLY high paying job, you can't afford to go back to work with more than 2 kids! I've figured out that it would cost me over $2000 a month to put my kids in daycare, and that's with #1 in full-day kinder! Don't worry about being able to stay home. 3 kids don't cost that much more than 2, and you can't afford to go anywhere anyway! If you want extra money, you have to either take in a baby or get a job watching kids at a Mother's Day Out, gym, church, or other place that will let you bring a little baby and still get paid. Play groups do become a little more difficult because your kids are not all the same age, but you can occasionally find another mom with kids the same ages as yours to play with. Things like Gymboree are completely out of the question!

8. The Right Reasons: I'm not sure about the right reasons. We planned on four kids from the beginning. There are days that I wonder what in the HECK I was thinking! There are days I say I need to go back to work and get someone in here who knows what to do with small children. And there are days I feel like the luckiest woman in the world to have four beautiful, perfect (HA!) children and be so blessed with a great husband who wants me to stay home with them and doesn't expect the house to look any better at the end of the day than it looks when he leaves. I really REALLY want to get rid of all the baby stuff. For me, this was a clear sign. I felt genuine relief on the way home from the hospital after having #4, KNOWING it was the last time we'd do that! BUT, I do feel a sense of loss that this bittersweet time in our lives is drawing to a close. I'm also looking forward to what's next. I think to myself that in two more years there will be no more diapers as far as the eye can see. No more bulky baby furniture and implements taking up every square inch of extra space. No more diaper bags to lug. Most of my kids will be able to get themselves dressed and in the truck and actually buckle their own seatbelts! The older kids will be able to help clean up around here. But I know I will miss the sweet smell of a baby's neck after a bath.

If you are really not sure after all this soul-searching, then do two things for the next year or so:

1. Use some sort of easily-reversible birth control. Not sure if I've said enough good things about the Mirena, but depending on your insurance, it would probably be cheaper than the pill and has WAY fewer side effects. After removal, women get pregnant at the same rate as those who used nothing (faster than those who took the pill.) Even if you had it removed after a year, you'd probably have spent less than on the pill for a year. For me it would be the Mirena @ $15 copay once vs. the Pill at $20/month ($240). Easy choice for me. I am VERY sure I'm done, but not 100% positive, so we thought this would be a good "fix" for a year or more. Okay that's the end of my plug for Mirena!!

2. Babysit regularly for a baby. You might even contract to provide regular daycare for an infant or other baby under the age of 1. If you can do that for a year and you really want one of your own, then it's probably for real. Otherwise, you have worked out your baby-lust vicariously without getting into the rest of the stuff I mentioned above.